An Underdog, A Rookie
by Kukiko-chan
Summary: Marice Matthens is nothing special, never has been, and probably never will be. But she has a story to be told, like so many others who have been ignored in time. She is just another person in the world that is overrun by the Titans, trying to live, making friends, striving to achieve her dreams, and proving that she is not to be underestimated. This is her story, and her journey.
1. A Beginning, Not The Beginning

**.**

.  
Location: Trost, the South-most district of Wall Rose  
Year: 834  
Time Before the Loss of Wall Maria: 11 Years

_ I see nothing but a headstone for a man who was killed by a titan; his body was never recovered. The headstone is engraved with the Wings of Freedom, hand done by members of the Scout Legion themselves. Then a woman laying motionless in a bed takes the headstone's place. Her long red hair lays limp and her deathly pale skin is greyish compared to the white pillow under her head, which is spotted with drying droplets of blood next to her face. Her eyes, once bright green , are now dull and stare half-lidded at the top of Wall Rose. Forever staring lifelessly at part of a stone cage. Then I hear a mournful scream that is more like a wail and-  
_  
"Brat, are you going deaf now?"

I blink, startled. There is no headstone, no dead woman, and Wall Rose is obscured by buildings from where I am. In front of me is the wall surrounding the Trost district, looming higher than any titan possibly could. Above the wall -above everything, really- is the sky, cloudy and a light shade of grey, as it has been for almost a month. It signals the coming winter, along with the cooling air. I turn and see a middle-aged man with cropped, black hair and the scruffy beginnings of a beard, standing there with his seemingly unnatural blue eyes looking down at me in a way that might be amusement.  
"William! Oh, I'm sorry, I-"  
"It's alright brat, stop apologizing," He smiles at me in a kind way, definitely amused. "I know you're spacey. Look, I got us some food. Real good pickings this time around, too." He calls me brat affectionately, since it is what he called me when we first met, and he pulls a cloth package out of the pocket of his dingy coat and hands it to me. I start unfolding the cloth, pausing momentarily when I see William looking at me expectantly, almost eager. The last fold joins the rest of the cloth, draped on my hand, and I gasp.

"Are these cookies?!" Quickly, I grab one of the golden-brown, circle shaped items. It's warm, fresh, and it smells like chocolate. Without even waiting for him to answer, I take a tentative bite. I close my eyes and smile, and I hear William chuckling at my actions. I swallow and walk over to the nearest building, William following close behind. We both sit and eat our cookies in silence, which is how it often is with us. After our cookie lunch, we sit there for a long time, talking to each other every now and then. The sky begins to darken at some point, morphing from the light grey of noon to a stormy grey in the evening, and the air begins to grow colder. I shiver, my small brown coat too worn to keep the cold breeze out and my green shirt to thin to be of any help. William stands up and, after hesitating for a second, picks me up and sits me on his shoulders.

"Where are we going?" I ask, curious.  
"We're gonna go find a place to sleep for the night, kiddo." For a few minutes it's silent, save for our footsteps on the cobblestone.

"Where are we gonna sleep?"  
"Somewhere warm." William is a patient person, but I can tell I'm getting on his nerves. I put my arms on top of his fuzzy head.

"When are we gonna get there?" I ask, a mischievous grin making it's way across my small face.  
"I don't know kid. If you're keep trying to annoy me, I'm going to teach you to get your own food tomorrow, and then I'm ditching you." I frown when he says that. I actually really like having William around; he's good company, especially since I don't really have anybody else.

"Sorry." He sighs and says it's ok, he should be used to be my childishness by now anyway. We come up on a house with no lights on and William puts me down so he can check to see if it's empty; the only people who'd be asleep in the evening are little kids and old people and most of them have somebody who takes care of them.

The cobble stone is cold on my bare feet and my brown pants pile up a bit on the ground and I stand there, in the middle of the street for a minute before William comes back. He grabs my hand in his, which is much bigger, and leads me through the front door. The interior of the house would be warm and inviting, if some one still lived there. There is a fireplace with a mantle, and there are several pictures lined up on the wooden mantle. I'm too short to see them and William disappeared somewhere into the back of the house to go find a lantern for when it got dark, maybe some firewood to keep us warm. I look for something to stand on and see the chairs around the kitchen table. I try to move one, but it's too heavy for me. I haven't eaten nearly enough for two years and it shows.

Frowning, I glare at the chair. It is large, meant for a person as big as William or bigger, if that's possible. On the top half, there are swirling and curving lines carved into it. I decide that the chair is pretty and hop up to sit in it. In this chair, I am barely tall enough for my elbows to rest on the table. I frown again; I have always been short for my age and I've never liked it.

_'What if I'm always this short? Then I won't be able to help humanity by fighting the titans. I won't be able to be like my Daddy...' _ I sigh, push myself off the chair, and walk towards the back of the house. I find that there are 3 bedrooms, all nicely decorated. _'The people who lived here must've been rich... Probably merchants or part of the military, since it's empty now.'_ I peek into the smallest of the 3 and see a mirror hanging on the far wall above a dark colored dresser. It draws me to it, since I've only seen what I look like in puddles of water in the last two years. I walk up to it slowly and thank god when I realize it's down low enough for me to see my entire face.

My face is slightly gaunt and fairly dirty, as is my hair, which is blonde but looks brown right now. My dark green eyes are wide and curious, intuitive almost. I've grown slightly taller, probably a few inches, which would put me at just over five feet now. I think about it and realize, if it weren't for the starvation, I wouldn't be gaunt and bony, I would instead be slender, like my mother. Who knows, I might even be taller. My eyes drift back to my hair and it occurs to me that it is filthy and feels greasy on my skinny neck.

Frowning, I take a long string from my pocket and use it put my hair into a short ponytail. I'm either going to have to cut my hair or get clean. I turn and go back to the fireplace just as William comes back with a log in hand. He sets it in the fireplace and lights it with a match. We bask in the much-needed warmth of the fire while it grows darker outside, to the point when the only light is from the fire.

I yawn and look over at William and see he's taken off his green cloak, leaving him in just his black shirt, and his grey pants. He sits back, leaning on his arms, and it occurs to me that his pants aren't completely grey; no, they have spots of lighter grey and even some spots of white. _'I wonder if his pants were originally white...'_

"Hey William?" He keeps looking at the fire, but lets out a, "Hm?" to let me know he's listening. "You said your brother was in the Scout Legion, right?" A pause, then, "Yea. Why do you ask?" he speaks hesitantly and that only makes me more curious. "Did he ever tell you about what it was like?" "No, he didn't." I don't say anything else, because I believe him. Just hearing about being a member of the Scout Legion doesn't leave a haunted look in the eyes like he has right now. Not unless you're unusually sensitive, and he isn't. After a few more minutes, the silence becomes unbearable.

"William?" "Yea brat?" I look over at him and find he is looking at me with an expression that is a mix of curious and cautious. I look back at the fire. "Registration for the Trainee Corps is tomorrow, right?" "Yea, it is, actually. Why?" I look back at him and see his expression is just curious now and he has relaxed. I hesitate before I answer him; I don't know why. "I'm going to sign up." I'm surprised to hear my own voice so steady and strong. I thought I would be more nervous about my decision, like I am with other things, but I have surprised myself in the fact that I am sure about this; I want this. "Which branch do you plan to join if you make it through the training?" He's giving me a look that says he wants me to think about it, that he wants to know if I actually want to do this. I think for a minute and realize that it wasn't necessary to think at all.

_ 'How long have I known I wanted to do this; How long have I wanted to join the Scout Legion without even knowing I wanted to?'_ My father was in the Scout Legion. And I've always wanted to be just like him. "The Scout Legion." William's eyes widen a little but then he smiles, almost nostalgically. "They're good people. Well, most of 'em. Brave too. Brat, I hope you realize how dangerous it is, being in the Scout Legion. People die every day in that branch." I nod, showing him I do understand, although the thought of dying terrifies me and I don't accept that I might die.

_' I won't die. People won't die while I'm around. I promise to protect them all.'_ "Alright. If you want this, I won't stop you. I mean, who knows? You might become a great soldier, one of the greatest. How does 'Humanity's Greatest' sound to you?" I grin at him and he grins back and for a moment, everything in the world is ok. We chatter a little bit longer and then he puts out the fire, despite my protests, saying that it's be better to be a little cold than burnt alive. I fall asleep shortly after him, knowing if he feels it is safe to sleep, then I can too.

I wake up the next morning to the sound of people yelling and laughing outside and determine it's almost noon from the way the sun shines and that the time to sign up for the Trainee Corps will end soon; Sign-up time always ends by the evening, since Trost has an abundance of thugs that roam around when things get dark. It is then that I realize William is not here anymore, and the only clue as to where he's gone is a note where he was sleeping.

_ "Sorry to leave you like this kid, but I didn't want the MPs that were outside to come barging in and wake you up. The easiest way to do this anyway was to just go out and hand myself over to them before they got tired of waiting. They made the right choice in letting me write this and then leaving it for you; guess they aren't all asses after all.  
I hope you take care of yourself. And don't chicken out of signing up for the Trainee Corps now. I saw last night how much you wanted to be one of the Scouts and they could use a kid as bright as you. But you'll never get there if you don't work for it, so don't get cocky and don't give up. You can't fly if you never try, kid. Earn your wings and they are yours." - William_

I smile sadly at the note, the one that contains some of his last words. I know I should cry because I've lost the man who was like a second father to me, but I've already seen death three times and it doesn't affect me like it used to. It warms my heart to know that he had so much faith in me, that he was thinking of my well being even when he was minutes from dying. It makes me sad that in the two years I knew him, I never told him my name. And this is one of those times in which I am sad that I was right. The way he spoke of the Scouts, the reverence in his voice, and the haunted look in his eyes, like he'd seen things no one should ever see. It was all so obvious and his arrest by the Military Police only proved my suspicions.

William was a Scout.  
And he was a deserter.

I frown at my arms, which refuse to get clean no matter how much I scrub at them. It's almost evening; the sun has been gradually starting to sink for almost an hour now. I don't have much time, but I can't go to registration as filthy as I am. I've scrubbed almost my entire body, even my face, till it felt raw. I left my feet alone, since they'll only get dirty again, and my arms are the only thing still dirty.

The bathroom in this house is large, larger than any bathroom I've ever been in, and the family that was here was rich enough to afford a claw-footed tub; they were merchants, I'm sure of it. I sit on its edge with my pant legs rolled up so they don't get too wet and scrub at my arms furiously, getting the edges of my sleeves wet. When I see my dirt covered tan skin turn slowly back into its usual pale pallor like everything else, I grin and rinse my arms off with the little clean water I have left. As I dry myself off with a cloth rag, I look back at the bathtub full of water and frown again. The water is grey, almost verging on black, and suddenly I am glad registration is today, even if I don't make it through training, because all that filth was **on ****_me_** and I never want to be that filthy again. I grab my jacket and walk to the small bedroom with the mirror, since the mirror in the bathroom is strangely too high up for me to see in it.

My face is still gaunt, but now it's pale with a light pink tinge from all the scrubbing. My hair, mostly dry, is now a wonderful strawberry-blonde that brushes my shoulders. I take the string from my pocket and put my hair back in the ponytail and look to make sure it looks nice because first impressions are everything. Then I look into my own eyes again and see that they are different. The green seems slightly brighter than before; still dark but just so lively. The look of hope and determination on my own face startles me and makes me feel stronger at the same time because I know I can do this, I know I can make it through training and join the Scouts. But I have to sign up first.

The sunset would be beautiful, if I could truly see it. I see the clouds just above the wall are no longer white, but brilliant orange and pink. The rest is blocked from sight by the wall. I envy the Garrisons on top of that wall, the Scouts who go outside the walls all the time. They've seen bits of the outside that I haven't, things I want so badly to see because until I do, I will not know all of the world that sits out there, waiting to be discovered.

The registration is outside the headquarters of the Trainee Corps, like always, so I have a ways to walk before I get there. On my way, I pass by so many people, soldiers from the Garrison Regiment who are on break, the occasional MP, even a couple Scouts. The people I notice the most though are the mothers, the fathers, the children and the civilians in general. They all seem so happy and carefree, so at peace with their lives. They all have homes. Most of them have families. And they are fine with the way things are, with the exception of wanting the titans gone even if they don't voice the thought regularly. For a moment, I wish I was them, happy and safe with my mother and father taking care of me. But only for a moment. The feeling of nostalgic longing is quickly replaced by something stronger, an emotion so strong it almost feels like it's physically burning me inside. The burning desire to be free. _'I want to see the world,' _I think to myself. _'I want to see the world beyond these walls, no matter what danger comes with it.'  
_And I will, once I become a Scout.

The headquarters of the Trainee Corps is deceptively small, only seen as a one story building from the front. Inside are the barracks, the mess hall, the training grounds and it makes the outside of the building seem even smaller in comparison. There's a table set up for the registration with a woman beside it, standing and stretching. She's probably been sitting all day long, so it makes sense. She shifts from stretching her sides and starts stretching her legs, her back to me. My eyes widen at the Wings of Freedom on the back of her jacket and I feel a sense of wonder, getting to see a Scout in person and knowing I will get to talk to her, brief it may be. I stand just in front of the table as she continues stretching, her brown ponytail bouncing as she moves. Nervously, I clear my throat and she stops short for a second and then turns to face me, her expression slightly surprised. She has glasses perched on her nose and wears a yellow shirt under her jacket and then she smiles widely at me, giving me the feeling she's friendly. "Well, hi there! You caught me just in time, I was just getting ready to pack things up! Here to register for training, right?" I nod, a little more relaxed since she is, in fact, friendly. "Alright, just tell me your name so I can write it down and then I'll go ahead and show you to the barracks myself, since I gotta go that way anyway." I clear my throat again, my hands gripping the edges of coat sleeves.

"Marice. Marice Matthens." She smiles again and looks up at me once she's done writing my name, and her brow furrows slightly. "How old are you Marice?" At that I frown and her eyes glint, almost like she's been reminded of something.

"I'm 12." Then she grins again and stands, reaching over and patting my head.

"You're short for your age, kiddo. It's cute~" I glare at her and she laughs, which makes my glare morph into a timid smile because her happiness is contagious. "Alright then, you're registered so let's get going." She picks up the clipboard with the registration forms, motions for me to follow her, and starts walking toward the front door of the stone building. I hesitate, looking back at the table with mild interest.

"Ah, don't worry about that, Mike'll come and get it soon." I follow her then and we walk through the door and down a hall, the entire building seemingly silent.

"Miss?" She looks at me, curious as to why I'm making conversation. Most of the people who come through here are probably too nervous to speak at all. "May I ask what your name is?" Again, she smiles.

"Why so formal, Marice? It's not like I'm the Scout Regiment's Commanding Officer."

"Well, you're still a Scout and you deserve the respect." She laughs lightly and looks forward as she speaks.

"I've only been a Scout for a couple years, nothing special. Anyway, my name's Hanji. It's nice to meet you by the way, you seem nice." I thank her and she stops in front of a door not long after, holding the clipboard loosely in front her. Hanji knocks on the wood and not a second later, a large blonde man with blue eyes answers.

"Hey Captain Erwin, just came to drop off the list of cadets before I get going!" The man, Erwin, takes the clipboard with a light 'thank you' and is about to close the door when he stops suddenly. It takes me a second to realize he's looking over Hanji's shoulder. And down at me.

"And who's this, Lieutenant Hanji?" She stays still for a second and I get the feeling she's confused but then she shouts in realization and turns to me, practically pushing me in front of her.

"Oh! This is Marice! She managed to catch me before I came back inside and I decided to walk her to the barracks real quick!" Erwin looks at me, as if he's sizing me up, and I make an effort to stand as straight as possible with my head held high, trying not to be intimidated by a man so large and so important.

"Hm. Seems Hanji here has taken a liking to you already, seeing as she's calling you by your first name." Then he smiles, ever so slightly, and puts a large hand on my shoulder.

"Welcome to the 91st Trainee Squad, Marice."


	2. The Rivalry Begins

**.**  
**.  
Location: Trainee Corps Headquarters, Trost, Wall Rose  
Year: 834  
W.M.F. : 11 years from now  
**  
"Wow, Captain Erwin welcomed you personally! And nicely too! Just- wow! He must see something special in you!"  
Lieutenant Hanji goes on about Captain Erwin's reaction to me excitedly, waving her hands wildly a couple times. I want to tell her that there's nothing special about me, that I technically wasn't even a trainee yet and he didn't know my last name, which is why he'd be willing to call me by my first name and greet me like he did. There would be none of that in just an hour, after I got my uniform. _'Hanji, I'm not that special. He would have been the same with anyone else.'_ I'm about to have a mental rant about how maze-like and confusing the layout of this place is when I realize the halls are no longer quiet. There is the dull roar of chatter in a room not far from here and I know that is where we're going and I have to force myself to keep walking alongside Hanji. The idea of meeting the other trainees has an ominous weight to it and it absolutely **_terrifies _**me. I don't like other people, not at all, there will be so many of them and they'll crowd me or I'll have to push through them just to get my uniform and-

"Hey kiddo, what are you doing just standing there?" I blink and see that Hanji is a few feet ahead of me now, facing me with a confused expression on her tan face.

I feel my hands start to shake and I grip my pant legs until it feels like something is going to tear - whether it's the skin of my fingertips or the fabric of my pants, I'm not sure. All of my muscles feel stiff and heavy as I try to move to catch up to her only to find that my feet are rooted to the spot.

"I... I- people scare me." My voice sounds strangled and comes out in a whisper that I'm not even sure she can hear me. I am about to repeat myself when she walks back to me and kneels on the ground so she's eye-level, putting her hands on my shoulders.

"Is it just people in general?" I shake my head stiffly, her calm and soothing voice not able to make me relax at all.

"Or is it lots of people in the same place?" I nod and feel my lips press into a thin line, like they always do when I'm afraid.

Somehow, she manages to pry my left hand from my pant leg and she grips it firmly then starts walking forward again, dragging me behind her.

"Trust me kiddo, you'll be fine!" She speaks happily again, trying to lighten the mood as we turn right at a corner and the dull roar of chatter grows in volume, seemingly filling the hall we are in. There's a door that hangs slightly ajar at the end of the hallway and that's where the noise is coming from, that awful roaring chatter of so many people jammed into one room.

"Lieutenant Hanji, please don't make me go in there. _Please_." In some corner of my mind there is a voice shouting at me to stop being so pathetic and spineless, but it is overwhelmed by the panic that's making my vision cloud. She stops short just before we reach the door and turns to face me again, her expression serious. _'That look doesn't really fit her... She doesn't seem like a serious person.'_

"Marice, you can skip out now if you want. Go work in the fields or something. It's your choice." I look at her astonished, bordering on offended.  
"_Skip out?_" I say incredulously, "What makes you think I want to _skip out_ on this, of all things?"  
"You're too scared to even go in and get a uniform." Hanji says, giving me a pointed look. I scowl at her, forgetting that she is a Lieutenant and that she is far past just outranking me.

"I'm not scared." And with that, I walk past her and to the waiting door, pushing it open enough for me to get in. I completely miss the smile she wears after my last words in the conversation.

There are trainees everywhere, with three people wearing the jackets of the three branches handing out uniforms to those who have not gotten them yet. The multitude of voices isn't as loud as I had thought; it's only a dull roar, nothing more. Nobody even notices me come in, they are either too busy talking to friends or trying to coordinate with each other so they can get the uniforms handed out efficiently. Between me and the MP, the one closest to me, are several people, some with blonde hair, some with black, and even one with red.

_'Red hair...'  
_I can see him clearly, a boy around my age who is at least a bit taller than me and with the same build, though on him it's just skinny and not childish. He wears brown pants not unlike mine, though they seem to fit him better than mine ever have. He also wears brown shoes and a tan shirt that contrasts with his appearance. I can't make out the color of his eyes from here, but I can tell they aren't anything too bright or I'd see them easily. Looking back around at all the Trainees gathered around the three members of the military, especially the Garrison woman, I decide to hang back until they thin out. I find a wooden bench running alongside the stone wall and sit on it, watching silently as the others shrug on their jackets to see how they fit and shove their feet into the knee-high, leather brown boots. There is an air of excitement in this room, and among a small group of people, an air of fear and/or determination. They probably know more of what they're getting into; kids my age who have parents or relatives that were in the Scouts who died, or were driven mad by the Titans. I can relate. This is not an exciting occasion for me, but a somber one. If I fail the training, I'll be working in the fields, disappointed that I couldn't do better. If I succeed, I will join the Scouts and there's a good chance I'll die young. Both thoughts scare me, at least a little, but the chance to do something for the good of humanity, the chance to do something good period, is enough to make it worth it. After all, if I never try, then I most definitely will never fly.

Soon, there are only a few Trainees in line for uniforms and the others are sitting off to the side, talking quietly now. I stand up and make my way to the Garrison woman, who I notice has straight brown hair that she has in a low ponytail, paying no mind to how the stone floor scrapes my bare feet. I am the third one in line in front of the brunette, though I can barely see her since, from where I stand, the boy in front looks almost as tall as William is- _'No, as tall as William _was_,'_ I remind myself. It's sad to think he's probably dead already, the man who helped me stay fed and took care of me. The man who became like a second father- '_Stop.' _I tell myself, _'If you keep thinking like that you'll just end up a sniveling mess by the time you get your uniform. His death isn't something worth crying over; you've already seen death, it's not a big deal. People die every day.'_ That doesn't take away the hurt though. Oh, far from it.

Finally, the blonde girl in front of me mutters a 'thank you' to the brunette woman after she is handed her uniform and boots and she walks off. Then I stand in front of the Garrison woman, not so dwarfed by her as I am by others normally. She's short too, probably only a few inches above five feet.

"Hi there! What's your name?" She asks sweetly, smiling down at me kindly.  
"Marice." My voice comes out steady, bordering on monotone.  
I won't let people see me feeling upset and heartbroken; my feelings are mine, too personal to be shared with people I don't know.  
"Nice to meet you honey! Now just give me a second so I can try to find a uniform small enough for you." Her voice is chipper and even though I know she's not trying to be mean, I still frown. A chuckle that comes from the line in front of the MP, over to my right, startles the frown from my face. I turn and see the red haired boy from earlier, smiling lightly.

"It makes sense. You **are** pretty short. And tiny." I frown up at him, a small glare forming on my face. He chuckles again and his eyes meet mine and I see now that they're light brown.  
"I'm Samuel. Samuel Black. Call me Sam." His smile is kind, his attitude overall relaxed and cheerful. Just like my mother.  
"I'm... Marice. Marice Matthens." I respond hesitantly. I'm not one for making friends, but I'd feel wrong giving him a cold shoulder.

"Here ya are honey! It might be a bit big, so sorry ahead of time!" The brunette comes back and hands me a small stack of clothes along with slender boots that look like they were meant for a freakishly tall toddler. Sam gets his uniform at the same time as me and I hear him chuckle at the somewhat child-sized boots I hold in my right hand.

"It might seem impossible, but I think those might be too small for you Marice." I roll my eyes, a small smile making it's way across my face. His humor is good-natured, just friendly teasing. It's curious, how he acts as though he's known me for years. But at the same time, it's not. It doesn't bother me at all, really.

From where I am now, with him walking behind me and his shadow looming over me, I can see that he is not just a bit taller than me, but much more so. In fact, I think he's the tallest Trainee here. The thought makes me smirk slightly and without thinking, I call over my shoulder, "And yours might be too short for you Sam. Maybe you should see if they have some in a Titan's size." There is silence for a second and then he laughs.

"She has a sense of humor underneath that mask! Never would've guessed it." We sit down and smile each other, mine invisible compared to his broad grin, then start doing like the others, shoving our feet into our boots and shrugging on our jackets. Surprisingly, both items fit me fairly well, the jacket only a little loose. Sam on the other hand...

He spends a few minutes jut trying to get the boots on and finds they aren't too short, no, his feet are too big to get them on in the first place. Next he tries the jacket and for a few seconds I'm sure it'll rip if he keeps at it, but he gives up and stands to go and get something that fits better, stopping only to send me a mock glare, which I smile timidly at. I think about it and realize that the boy who was in front of me in line was not as tall as I thought. He stands beside Sam, waiting to get a different jacket and I assume his shoulders were too wide for the last one. He's tall with an overall large appearance, like a smaller version of Captain Erwin, except he's got black hair and his skin is a light tan. But Sam is still a good three or four inches taller than him, putting him around almost 6 feet already, even though he can't be more than two years older than me. No matter his age, he's just so approachable, which is... well, it's nice.

It's nice to meet somebody you feel comfortable around when you're someone like me, cautious and shy around those I don't know.

Sam and the other boy both get their new uniforms and then the man from the Military Police tells us how to find the barracks and that we need to get changed, after which we'll head out to the training ground to meet Captain Erwin. The other Trainees start rushing out and I try to get out before them, but they just end up pushing me back into the wall a bit harder than I'm comfortable with. It seems like there are hundreds of Trainees streaming past me and every time I try to move, I get smacked back into the wall or stepped on. I start to panic and press myself to the wall, trying to give myself more room, but they absorb the little space I've managed to create and now I'm stuck backed up against the wall. I start breathing hard and look around frantically for some way to get out, a way to move with the crowd or just be free entirely but there isn't one, god there isn't one-

"Marice, you ok?" I glance at the hand on my shoulder, pale and slender, then up to see Sam giving me a curious look, his head tilted slightly to the right.  
"Y-yea. I'm fine." I gulp and grip the sleeve of his shirt as he starts making his way through the crowd, beginning to feel a bit more at ease. At least there's some here who will notice if the crowd swallows me. At least he'll come back for me.

We make it to the barracks, which are a few nice sized cabins, without any real problems and then go our separate ways into one of the cabins for our respective genders. This girls cabin is large, with 7 bunk beds lined up on each side of the room. The girls that have already filed in, which is most of them, have started to claim their bunks already, taking the ones closest to the door in an attempt to get their pick first. Once I get past the thickest part of the throng, I head as far from the door as I can and stop by a bed, trying to decide whether to take the bottom or top bunk

_'If I take the top, it'll be more difficult to get down and get ready in the mornings, and there's also the slight chance of falling off," _I muse, holding out one hand, _'If I take the bottom, there's the _very _slight chance of the top falling on me...' _I hold out my other hand and move them up and down a little, weighing the options.

"Excuse me, are you sleeping on that bottom bunk?" I drop my hands fast, trying not to look too weird, and turn to the girl now standing next to me.

She has shining, wavy black hair and tan skin that complements her light brown-gold eyes. As is expected, she's taller than me, by at least 4 inches at that, and she is slender. I think for a second, looking at her hopeful expression, and then I step away from the bed, holding my hand out toward it.

Top bunk won't be so bad, right?

"It's all yours." She smiles wide at me and plops on the lower-set bed with a relieved sigh.  
"Thank you, really. I appreciate this. I'm just not that comfortable sleeping so high up and everybody else either has the bottom bunk claimed or is just unapproachable. I am really sorry if you wanted to sleep on it, but I really do appreciate it." She looks over at me, still smiling and, without getting up, extends her hand toward me.

"I'm Seraphine by the way. Seraphine Barrera. But call me Sera, please." She says the last part with a slight chuckle. I shyly take her hand and give it a timid shake that I know isn't good at all, but she smiles at me anyway and I'm grateful that she's nice.

"I'm Marice Matthens. It's... nice to meet you." My voice comes out quiet and small

"Wow, you're a shy one aren't ya? Mind if I call you Mari?" I shake my head, telling her it's fine, and she grins.  
"Cool. Now what's say we go ahead and steal a couple spots behind those dressing curtains and get this over and done with?"

I nod my head and follow her to the corner of the room where some of the girls are changing, my uniform held carefully in my hands.

The sun is still hanging on to the now darkening sky, making things fairly visible, but they have torches placed outside anyway. They give the surrounding area an almost dark appearance, but theAll of us stand up straight and stare ahead as we wait for Captain Erwin, or, as we'll call him, Instructor Smith. Then the sound of heavy footfalls reach my ears and I know that the Captain is here. If the others are anything like me, they want to turn and look at him right now, but they're forcing themselves to stay put. Then he comes into my line of sight, his blonde hair neatly arranged, posture stiff, and his face looking stern and grim from the shadows cast across his features by the torch light.

He is intimidating; He is terrifying.  
And he is awe-inspiring.

Instead of fear or intimidation though, I feel the familiar child-like wonder fall over me as I watch him walk until he stands in front of all of us. He's a Scout, a magnificent one at that. And one day, I can be like him if I just try. I could be standing there one day, tall and brave and having a Trainee look at me with wonder and admiration.

I could do it, I really could.

I can do it, if I try.

And I will do it.

I stand even straighter, if that's possible, and feel a sense of pride just by wearing my Trainee jacket, the white pants, and the brown leather boots. Everybody around me seems nervous to some extent, with some literally shaking in their boots and others just frowning or grimacing with anxiety.

But I do not feel nervous. I don't already question why I'm here, I'm not regretting my decision.  
And it's not because of what could have been had I not chosen to be here. I would have had nothing if I was elsewhere, but it doesn't matter.  
I want this.  
And some how I manage to keep that in mind even when Instructor Smith starts giving us our mini-introduction speech, even when he starts going at the other Trainees with ferocity akin to a rabid dog with a yell as bad as the bark.

And it is that that makes me the only one out of all 112 Trainees who does not flinch when our instructor approaches me and begins shouting at me.  
That is what makes me keep my back straight and my head high.  
And it's what makes some of the others stare at me in bewilderment, with perplexed expressions. Even Sam, who I spot at the end of my row after the Captain moves on.

I wouldn't realize until later that it was the simple act of not backing down and not showing fear that made me a target among the other Trainees.


End file.
